Reflection : A Santa Barbara story
By Kevin Hardy						Accueil   Home

May 26, 2022

Laguna Beach, California

Kelly Capwell was standing on a simple, tree-lined street in the neighbourhood of Rancho Laguna.  The svelte lady was staring nervously at a rustic cottage, as the mid-afternoon sun lit up the silver highlights in her closely cropped blonde hair. She had not realized how petrified she would be, yet at the same time she had never seen the various pieces of her life laid out so clearly.  There were pieces that were frayed, the occasional one missing and some that did not quite fit, but she could make sense of them all now and what a gift that was.

“Wow, have I made a lot of mistakes,” the 60-year-old muttered to herself, as images and emotions rushed through her head and heart.  While she believed in the power of women too much to simply play the victim card, and while she knew she was not responsible for the actions of the men in her life, she also realized that she bore significant fault for the unfolding of so many negative chains of events.  It had taken several years of therapy, and self-reflection, for her to realize how obsessed with danger she had been, how she was invariably making insane choices.  She had been so damaged by Peter Flint, that she had begun making one poor decision after another, these mistakes virtually always centred around men.  Perhaps it was due to the hole left behind in her following Joe's passing.  Joe Perkins had been her one true love and she had spent years, perhaps her entire life, trying to find that type of love again. Whenever she fell into comfortable routines with other men, she invariably sabotaged the relationship; and that poor judgment had often led to men wanting to possess her.  You could even argue Joe had been obsessive in a way, although with him it had been right, and she had shared in that fateful passion. 

Besides Joe only one man stood out in the crowded field, only one that had been pure of heart and had always put her safety and best interests before his own.  Only one who had loved her and no one else. Perhaps it had been too soon after Joe, or perhaps it was the nearly 10-year age difference, but she had been too immature to handle her feelings for Nick, which helped to push her into that mental and physical abyss. She thanked God every day for the support she had been given during that time, particularly by Pearl. She still carried so much guilt for not having been able to return the one-of-a-kind man’s passion.  But she just hadn’t loved him, not like she had loved Nick, not like she thought she had loved Jeffrey.

The depth and purity of Nick’s feelings were now clear to her. He had loved her so simply, in spite of everything she had put him through, and there were never any hidden agendas with him.  Despite her surety in his one-time feelings, she did not know what she would find when she walked through that door. Maybe there would be no romantic feelings, shared or otherwise, but she knew she wanted to find out; she needed to find out.

Taking a deep breath, Kelly walked up the curved front path and rapped lightly on the fiberglass door. After a few moments, the ivy green egress was answered by a statuesque blonde, one who was at least 30 years younger than Kelly.

“Hi, may I help you?” the young lady asked cheerfully. Dressed in a floral print, and wearing DIFF sunglasses, she was Southern Californian through and through.

“Yes,” Kelly responded, suddenly intimidated by the girl’s youth, “is Nick home?”

“Dad,” the woman cried out, “company!”

Kelly exhaled faintly, bewildered by the emotions of jealousy she was feeling. As she waited, the two ladies in repose, her glittering blue eyes drifted across the modest entryway, soon falling onto a framed picture of Nick and a woman she had once known, this appearing to date back to the late 1980s or early 1990s. She was surprised to recognize the beauty, arms folded tightly around Nick, as Janice Harrison.

Kelly soon heard movement from the second floor. At the top of the inlaid tiled steps, a 69-year-old Nick Hartley began to walk down, he favouring his right leg as he did so. His face opened-up in shock as he looked towards Kelly, his mind trying to process her impossible presence. Without even being aware, his crinkled mouth opened into a wide grin.

“Kelly Capwell,” the man announced in astonishment, as he pushed some stray grey locks from his light brown eyes. “My God.”

“Kelly McCabe actually,” Nick’s long-ago lover wistfully corrected him, “but that's only for a few more days.” It had been a long six months, but her divorce from Connor would be finalized by the end of the following week.

Nick stopped at the base of the stairs, where Kelly had walked to meet him, and took her slender hands in his. He then looked to his daughter, a wave of pride rushing over him as it invariably did in his only child’s presence.

“Thanks, Jenna,” he said lovingly, his tone rich and warm.

“What purpose do I have in life if not to present you with beautiful female callers,” Jenna Hartley queried, her voice guarded, yet hopeful. Although he never showed it, her dad had been lonely for some time. “Will you be in good hands if I head out?”

A nodding Nick chuckled, the sound infectious, as he gazed upon Kelly with child-like wonder. “Great hands,” he added as he held one of Kelly’s palms up, this remarkably free of any age spots, unlike his own. “Kelly Cap-McCabe, have you met my pride and joy, Jenna?”

“I did,” Kelly confirmed with a smile, “she’s lovely.”

“Dad can only take about 10% credit for that,” Jenna needled her father as she walked out the door, closing it shut behind her.

“I’d say closer to 25%,” Kelly added wryly.

Nick still wore an ample grin on his face, this awakening memories in Kelly she had long forgotten. His charisma was typically effortless, he was such an eminently likeable man.

“What an amazing surprise,” Nick proclaimed. “C’mon, let’s go into the family room.”

Upon Kelly’s silent nod, the two one-time lovers strolled through the narrow main hall, this leading to the back of the house. Kelly was not surprised to see how little of the cream-coloured wall space poked through the photographs, Nick being a world-class photojournalist. There was a mixture of family shots and a history of Nick’s work, with the not surprising exception of the Vietnam photograph that won the man his first Pulitzer Prize.

Kelly stopped in front of a cover of Time Magazine, which featured the image of an elderly man on a ventilator, he surrounded by his loved ones. “This was your second Pulitzer, wasn’t it?” she asked, while unconsciously tracing the aged man’s image with her forefinger.

“You’ve kept up with my career,” Nick commented happily, as he unconsciously noted the slightly lower timbre of the older Kelly’s voice. “Yes. That gentleman was the oldest living WWII veteran at the time COVID-19 took him.”

Kelly clenched her eyes shut, thinking back to another aged WWII veteran who had been taken by COVID just two weeks prior, a man who had meant the world to her. It was only Eden’s return that had kept her sane in the aftermath of C.C.'s death.

“And how is Janice?” Kelly then enquired, her fingers coming to rest on the impressively clean glass encasing the stunning lady’s photograph. This hung next to the Time Magazine cover.

“She passed away about five years ago,” Nick explained softly, his body visibly stiffening.

“I’m so sorry to hear that,” Kelly declared genuinely, “she was a really cool person.”

Nick nodded. “I was lucky to hook up with her when I moved back to L.A.,” he reminisced. “It was actually the photo shoot I did with her that brought me back into the mainstream.”

Kelly laughed breezily. “I remember being so jealous of her,” she confessed, “especially during her centrefold shoot. Wow, was she beautiful.”

Nick stared ahead wistfully. “She really was,” he spoke quietly. “I could always see that, but there was so much more to her that I came to know. And to love.”

Nick paused, looking down at his feet, his mind briefly lost in a memory. As always, his reveries were short, yet profound. “I understand you got into the photography game yourself after that,” he noted. “Perhaps I was the inspiration?”

Kelly looked puzzled for a few seconds, as her mind drifted backwards across the years. “Oh, the Beast campaign,” she soon snickered. “That was a detour I didn’t see coming. One minute I’m on the run for murder, the next I’m executing a national ad campaign. One of my many short-lived careers.”

“You were young, it can take some time to find yourself,” Nick observed, as he led Kelly into the family room and motioned for her to take a seat on the paisley settee. This faced the window, through which was Nick’s tiny, impeccably landscaped garden. “Can I get you anything?” he asked. “I just made some tea.”

Kelly beamed, as she settled into a soft cushion. “A cup of tea would be wonderful,” she acknowledged.

From the adjoining kitchen, Nick poured Kelly a cup of Jasmine Mist. He then placed the chipped china cup onto a coaster that was resting on the streakless glass coffee table. Kelly blew softly into the steaming liquid and then gestured to the oak curio cabinet, which too contained a multitude of photographs. She recognized the faces of Sam Williams, Santana Andrade, Brandon Capwell, Alice & Gus Jackson, Jane Wilson, and Brick Wallace. “All those pictures, wow, it looks like a Santa Barbara yearbook,” she concluded.

“Well, I’ve always had a soft spot for supporting characters,” Nick quipped.

“I can see the appeal of not being front and centre all of the time,” Kelly suggested knowingly. “Looks like I made the wall of fame,” she added, pointing towards a portrait of her and Amy, this having been taken at Amy and Brick's wedding day back in 1985. “It was a fabulous ceremony.”

“And there I was, stuck in a hospital bed,” Nick recalled.

Kelly leaned forward, her eyes locking with Nick’s. “You remember what Amy gave me?” she asked.

Nick’s head bowed subtly. “Her bouquet,” he murmured, this coming across as almost bashful.

“I really thought it was going to be you and I next,” Kelly ruminated, as her welled-up eyes drifted, her sincerity achingly authentic.

“So did I,” Nick agreed with a tinge of regret. He gazed upon Kelly, still amazed by her presence. Her beauty had only deepened in the decades since he had last seen her, an inner light emanating from all around her. But then, without warning, a shadow fell over her delicate face.

“Oh shit,” Nick exclaimed, as he realized which print she was looking at. He stood up quickly, moving towards the black and white image of Dylan Hartley. His charge was stopped by Kelly’s trembling left hand, which gripped his right shoulder.

“It’s all right, Nick,” she assured him, “I suppose I’m just surprised you have it.”

Nick examined the likeness of his younger brother, the man’s appearance that of a typical bush pilot, with his curly hair and scraggly beard. There had been a twinkle in those eyes then, a twinkle that had long since been extinguished. He looked so relaxed, so hopeful, so far apart from the monster he would become.

“Nothing can change the fact that he was my brother and I loved him,” Nick avowed warmly, but sadly, as images of a bloodied Dylan crept into his mind. The man lay on the street outside of the Capwell hotel, where Nick was cradling his broken body. “He lived a whole life before…”

Kelly squeezed Nick’s arm. “That was something I always admired about you Nick,” she declared, “your capacity to forgive.”

“Love and forgiveness don’t always go hand-in-hand,” Nick interpreted. “But it’s not my place to forgive him. Only you can do that.”

“Were you ever able to forgive me?” Kelly questioned, her voice suddenly small.

Nick smiled delicately. “Kelly, I don’t fault you for what Dylan became; only he could ever be held responsible for that. For a long time I did blame you for helping to start the sequence of events, but never for his ultimate actions.” He spoke these words in deadly earnest, the syllables dripping with sincerity.

Kelly nodded gratefully. “I wish I could say I changed after that, but I kept finding myself repeating all of the same foolish mistakes,” she stated with deep regret. “I have been through so many faces and so many personalities, but the one constant was always the danger. That was no way to live, I understand that now.”

“I can see the change in you, Kelly,” Nick indicated honestly.

Kelly tugged absently on her hair, which barely touched her neck. “I suppose that’s why I left Connor.”

“Your husband?” Nick inquired.

Kelly’s head bobbed briefly. “Yeah. The stress of the COVID confinement took its toll, but so did his job.”

Nick leaned back, as he raised his right ankle to his left knee. “What does he do?”

“A police officer,” Kelly revealed. “About a year ago, there was a string of rapes and murders.”

Nick’s face tightened, as he dropped his leg and clenched Kelly’s hands.

“Another serial killer in Santa Barbara, hey?” she laughed darkly. “Naturally, I was caught up in the middle of it and helped Connor out with the investigation as much as I could. But at some point, I just stopped and thought why do I keep putting myself in these dangerous situations? I had enough of being shot at, being chased, being terrorized. So after the bastard was caught, I told Connor I wanted him to retire from the force. He refused, so I left.”

“There were a lot of people at the INID like him,” Nick relayed, “so shocked I wanted to leave that kind of life behind. Cruz understood, but I can’t think of anyone else who didn’t label me a coward.”

“Nick,” Kelly began, as she briefly caressed his freshly shaven cheek, “cowards don’t fight off assassins on the rooftops of hotels.”

Nick laughed breezily. “Don’t think I don’t feel that on the rainy days.”

“Nick, you live in Southern California, there are no rainy days.”

Nick and Kelly chuckled together, both astounded by, yet at the same time not surprised by, the ease of their reunion.

“It sounds like you've been dealing with a helluva lot,” Nick recognized. “I was sorry to hear about your dad’s passing; that was just this month, wasn't it?”

Kelly grinned, although this action was without mirth. “That on top of Eden's return and subsequent kidnapping."

“Your life is still a soap opera,” Nick joked.

Kelly snickered. “Not far off it,” she mumbled.

“Is that why you came to see me,” Nick examined. “You broke up with your husband, you buried your father?”

Kelly shook her head forcefully. “It’s not like that,” she protested.

“How is it then?” Nick asked, this question containing no trace of judgment.

Kelly stared into Nick’s compassionate eyes, her demeanour incredibly disarming. “It’s taken me so many long to realize who the Kelly was that you fell in love with in the ghost town all of those years ago.”

“I loved you long before that,” Nick professed.

“That Kelly was so simple, so the opposite of everything I was then. It didn't take long for the danger and drama to come back into our lives, though, did it?”

“No, no it didn’t,” Nick lamented.

Kelly’s mouth pruned and her voice fell. “I am so sorry I went on with my life like you never existed.”

Nick shook his head. “We both did,” he reflected. “It was my time in the story to move on, to let you experience something new. And the same for me, although I didn’t see it that way at the time.”

Nick glanced down at his blistered hands, these well earned from the many happy hours spent tending Janice’s beloved rose garden. “I can see that you’ve changed, Kelly. I know now that you weren’t ready then and that’s why I lost you, even before your breakdown.”

“Where did you go?” Kelly inquired thoughtfully.

“Well after you left the country, there wasn’t anything for me in Santa Barbara. I was working with Alice and helping Pearl out a bit, but nothing I was integral for. I had recently been offered a job in L.A., which Alice and Santana insisted I take; this was still about a year before I reconnected with Janice.”

“I always wondered what happened to Santana at the time,” Kelly pondered. “I later found out she had been in an institution.”

“A care facility,” Nick clarified. “About six months after I left Santa Barbara, she showed up on my doorstep in a complete panic, I was amazed she had made it in one piece. I hadn’t seen her like that since the day she took Eden hostage at the beach bar.”

“Was she back on drugs?”

“That I have to keep private, but Brick had just been arrested for rape, and she was overwhelmed. Thankfully, Cruz was able to arrange a call with Brick and the three of us decided she should check herself into a clinic.”

“Leave it to you to put everyone else first. Have you kept in touch?”

“We’re Facebook buddies, and we chat every now and then. The cool thing, though, is I’ve been talking a lot with Brandon.”

“Really?” a surprised Kelly remarked.

“When Santana returned to the clinic after taking Brandon, back in ‘89, he and I ran into each other during a visit. I could not believe how much he had changed since the time I rescued him at Travel Town. You remember that?”

“I sure do," Kelly replied sweetly, "that’s where we first met. You are the most loyal man I have ever known, Nick Hartley.”

Kelly’s words hung in the air for the next few minutes, neither knowing exactly what to say next. “I felt so at peace with you in those early days, Nick,” Kelly soon continued. “Sometimes I think I haven’t known a moment’s peace since Dylan’s death.”

Kelly stopped briefly, Dylan’s name sounding so strange on her lips. “But as crazy as it got, I never stopped thinking about you, never stopped wishing you were a part of my life.”

Nick took Kelly’s hand once more, their flesh mutually moist. “I still want to be a part of your life, Kelly,” he vowed. “But as a friend.”

Kelly smiled. “Well, that sounds like a pretty good start to me,” the one-time ingenue admitted. “Maybe now’s not the time to experience something old.”

“Hey!” Nick protested playfully, before returning to a more sombre tone. “You know me Kelly, I’m not one to jump into anything.”

“Unlike me?” Kelly questioned.

Nick held up his cup of tea, to which Kelly followed suit. “Here’s to old friends,” he toasted. “No, scratch that, here is to best friends.”

Kelly rose. She motioned for Nick to do the same and then pulled him into a tight embrace. “I love you, Nicky,” she whispered.

“I love you too, Kelly,” Nick pledged.

After a long embrace, Kelly dropped her arms and stepped backwards. “I should really be going,” she began, “it’s been a long day. Do you think it would be okay if I saw you tomorrow?”

Nick smiled widely, as his mind skipped backwards through the ages, vintage images of him and Kelly so crystal clear in his mind. In some ways it was as if no time had passed at all. “I would love to see you tomorrow, Kelly Capwell."

Based on characters created by Bridget and Jerome Dobson in association with New World Television and the National Broadcasting Company.